In my 17 years of existence, I can’t be expected that there comes a time. That one day, I woke up and realize that its kind a tiresome, being committed with someone, and showing an intimate affection or in short, it’s so weary to commit in a commonly known “BOYFRIEND”. Maybe because the process of it is just like a tire, turning to its own wheel, again and again. And the only thing that you can say is a curse. I just want to stop this foolish thing and just wait for the right time! You know what? If what I want to mean by that right time? That is the time, if I will commit again into someone, I just want that someone to be my probably last.
I really felt exhausted. Hmm… What is it? It always be repeat from the start, like you’re near from the finish line then suddenly you stumble then repeat again. You need to stand and run again and again or should I say it just like a Domino that when you made a wrong move or one mistake, all in all will affect. The effort you’ll show or you’ll give would became nothing. It became effortless. Of course, you need to start again and again until you get bored and felt tired, like what I feel today. I just realize that love is worth waiting for. It’s true right? So if you felt like this, wait for a while maybe cupids are just having a hard time searching for the heart that deserves your love.
I have an incoming call from unknown number that totally caught my attention from writing into my cheapest type of a notebook covered with a floral design, and it also have an arrangement of letters sticker in the front page, which is my nickname. But it has a many untold story that happen in the entire being of mine. I love writing on it when I don’t have a guts to share it with my friends. I just want to keep it on my own self and through writing with it. I can burst out, all the things that I want to share without hesitation and worrying. I wouldn’t pick up my phone rather I just create a text message and asking who is this?
10 minutes ago, no response! Until 30 minutes still no response. Until I decided to dial the unknown number. Then finally, I heard HIS voice.
From that day, I became nosy if who’s that guy? If where did he get my digit? But clueless! We haven’t talk, because on that day, I felt having no interest to talk especially to alien using mobile. I thought its kind a waste of time.
Until one day, when I get bored and I have no idea if what I going to do to relish myself. I just dial his number then in a few seconds he answered it.
This time, I ask his name, and where did he get my digit? Then I found out that he get it on my friend Irish which is, his cousin. After he said it to me, the only words that split on my tongue is, “ah okay!”.
Start on that day, we became text mate, or sometimes when he is unlimited call, he make a phone call with me. We have a lot of time of getting to know each other. Until, we became friends, we’re getting closer than in what I expect. He makes me giggle when we talk.
The day passed just like a sprinter. It just like when you are happy, you don’t notice the hour that passed, unlike when you are in a deep hole of sorrow, you can’t get over by that hole. I gave him another nickname in my own version that I based on his real name. I prefer to call him “Lorence”.
In the 25th day of April, he asks me if I have a time to come on his birthday, which is tomorrow. I said, “I try!” , then he replied, “Don’t try instead do it”, but I insist on him and say, “I just try, okay? ‘cause I don’t have a gift so I’m that shy to come”. Then he laugh and said, “No! It’s ok if you don’t have a gift; the things that really matter is at least you came”. After he said that, I felt a sudden beat.
By that day, I found out that my cousin is also his friend, which is Bro.Kelvin.
Today is Lorence day. I ask my cousin Julia, if she wants to accompany me to go on my friend’s birthday and I also said that we go with Bro. Kelvin. When we reach there, a murky sky sudden burst out. What a perfect time to run to go in a shed, where my friends are there.
Then Irish gave an umbrella to me, and she said, “Lorence would gave that and he said, It’s for you Paula”, then I would simply smile and say thank you.
When we reach their house, there’s a guy who smile at me then I thought, it’s Lorence, so I will greet him, “Happy Birthday!”. But Irish laugh and said, “Hahaha, it’s not him!”, and that made me shy and laugh from my own mistake and I said sorry to the guy who smile at me.
When we go inside, there’s a guy who offer a chair on us. This guy smile at me, and I smiled back, then the 1st thing that comes on my mind is, it’s him. Then I will greet him, “Happy Birthday” and he said “Thank You!”.
Finally, I met him.
Months later, he decides to roam in our place and to go in our house together with my other friends. I prepared a snack for them and they’ll meet my parents and siblings.
I felt something odd by the way he talk with me. On that night, we have a session and he settles his chair beside me. What a moves!
The hour could simply passed, while we’re together, and having fun. There’s a word that split on his tongue, which is the magic word. That word caught our attention, and I felt a sudden beat from the core of my existence. Then one of my friend say, it’s just like a wifi connection, you have to connect for you to understand if what he said then laugh. I ignored it, just like I won’t hear it.
When I’m with Irish and talking with her. She suddenly said that if it is okay when Lorence and I will talk for a while, and I said, “Ah sure! But of course, together with you!”.
Then we talk and talk and in the middle of our conversation. He asked what if I court you. Then I found myself speechless.
I’m going 4 months single but I’m not ready to mingle, again. I said, I just want to focus on my study.
After 1 month, all the words that I said is just like a bubble that would simply disappear anytime. I caught myself falling in love again.
On the 5th day of June, he’s my boyfriend and I’m his girlfriend. I said that I just want this relationship to be secret because of my parent.
When we want to see each other, we do meet even nobody would know that we’re in a relationship except to his cousin, which is Irish.
I would know him better, and I found out that all the things that I don’t like in a one guy are on him. He’s a counterpart of my ideal guy! So suck!
I’m so disappointed with him, it’s a big mistake to commit on him. All the things that I thought on him are just a dream.
The days would simply pass together with our relationship. We always argue because on a simple things that we couldn’t understand in each other. He’s a kind of a man gripping into his pride. When he have a things that he like he just want to get it.
One day, instinct will sink on my head that made me fuss from it. It’s a girl’s instinct.
My friend always send a group message on me like “try to stay in a person that could cheating on you, maybe you felt a “BOOM TAGOS” with hashtag #he’s your boyfriend,he have another girlfriend=”BOOM SAKIT!”. Her message makes my world stop turning for a while. I felt that message is really for me. What a nice strike! It hit me direct to the pounding core of my existence. It hurts!
I think my instinct was correct. I insist my friend to tell me everything that I need to know. But she also insists that I have nothing to tell to you. It’s not you! Whom I talking about on my group message, just never mind it, okay! Then I ask her again, “hmm.. anyway, what did you mean, on your text last night?”, that you tell it to me when you would sure about it? What is it, hah? But she simply reply, it’s nothing just never mind, don’t think about it. I really felt cheated even on my friend. I thought she’s my friend but why she can’t tell me the fucking truth. It’s freakin’ hurt, I just go with the flow until everything will become clear to me, and even though I know that it hurts and it will kill me inside. I am so fool!
On the 3rd day of August, I found out that my instinct was true. It really hurts when you know the fucking truth! But it will set you free. I insist my friend and finally, she get pity on me. She tells everything to me that my boyfriend have another girlfriend, but they haven’t communication but their relationship almost a year.
I really felt cheated. I’m such a fool to fall in love with a jerk. I became his past time or such a rebound. While she was telling everything, one part really caught my attention, that when she ask this guy if who will he choose, if his 1st girlfriend would back. A guy said, he choose his 1st girlfriend over me. That statement made a sudden drop from my eye.
On this day, I decide to break up with him, and then he asks why? Then I said, “You don’t need to ask why? You’re so smart huh! Perfect! Hoooh. I can give you a round of applause. You’re so amazing! Why don’t you tell to me that you need a vulcaseal? I can afford to buy you something like that, unlike using someone. Excuse me, I’m not a vulcaseal that you can use to conceal your own hole. I can’t be expected that he could also secretly love someone in spite of our secret relationship and hiding it to me. I would break up with him without telling that I know everything.
Life was hard
After the death of Facebook.
We couldn’t sleep.
We’d wake up every two minutes
In the middle of the night
And all through the early hours
Of the morning
Searching for the familiar
Flicker of that
Forgetting that the medium
Has already collapsed.
We couldn’t eat properly.
Our hands would reach
Not for the fork
Or the knife
But for the phone on the table.
We failed to remember
That the site
Has long since ceased to exist.
We couldn’t have
A decent conversation
For we automatically
Dipped our hands
Into our pockets
To check for the notifications
That we will never again receive.
We couldn’t comprehend
The finality of its demise.
And then we began
To notice our surroundings
For the first time
In a decade.
The first thing I saw
Were the stacks of books, unread,
Lined against the walls
Of my bedroom.
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As is often the case, my most beautiful moment while living homeless in New York was born out of an ugly moment. I hadn’t seen it coming, and in some respects was unprepared for it. So far, nearly every homeless person I had met on the streets had been happy for me to spend time with them and document their lives. But in Preston, a black man in his early 60s who spent his days collecting cans, I found a lot of anger that, by all accounts, had no outlet.
I became that outlet.
We were standing in a subway car at the time. I had followed Preston as he worked his way down from the entrance to the 5 train at Union square, with…
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Hard Case Crime, the award-winning line of pulp-styled crime novels from editor Charles Ardai and publisher Titan Books, announced today that on September 8, 2015 they will publish a new illustrated hardcover edition of their bestselling title of all time, Stephen King’s Joyland. The acclaimed coming-of-age story set in a possibly haunted small-town amusement park spent more than 25 weeks on the New York Times Best-Seller List in paperback and ebook format. Aside from certain extremely limited editions for collectors, however, no hardcover edition of the book has ever been published.
The new edition will feature a brand new cover painting by popular Hard
Case Crime artist Glen Orbik, whose other covers for the series include books by Gore Vidal and Michael Crichton; a map of the Joyland amusement park illustrated in the classic ‘mapback’ style by Susan Hunt Yule; and more than twenty interior illustrations by acclaimed artists…
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When I was a girl, [mumble mumble] decades ago, Gothic romance was very much in style. Two of the leading practitioners of the form were Victoria Holt and Mary Stewart, although numerous other writers contributed. Many of my friends remember those books fondly, while admitting that they haven’t actually read one in a very long time. Gothic novels usually featured frightened heroines (often governesses or poor relations) trapped by circumstance in isolated (and sometimes crumbling) manors dominated by aloof and dangerous lords (usually harboring some tragic secret). Readers loved them. But the appeal of the Gothic faded over the decades. Authors turned to more contemporary romantic suspense, and readers followed.
Now and then an adventurous author puts her own twist on the Gothic tradition. Not long ago I happened to read two such modern twists on the Gothic romance in quick succession, two very different books with shared literary DNA:
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